Sick of it

I don’t write this blog for anyone but myself.  I use this as a medium to vent my own frustrations and detail my own personal struggles.  I only put it out there for others so that you all can see what’s going through my brain.  It’s my way to show you what I’m going through, what I’m dealing with, what I’m thinking about, what I’m struggling over.  Because written word is the only way I can find to effectively communicate it all after years and years of having to suppress my deepest feelings.

And every time I write a post like the one I did yesterday, I get some angry, condescending note from someone else in my family.  They want me to stop writing my feelings out.  They want me to show some respect for them.  They want to guilt trip me either for themselves or on the behalf of others.

I’m sick of it.  I’m sick them seeing it as personal affronts and taking offense to it rather than actually making the changes I want to see out of them.  I’m sick of having to write the same crap over and over about my family because they can’t be assed to actually care about how I feel.  I’m sick of seeing them continue to sit on their high horses, completely ignoring my own emotions.

This blog isn’t something full of sunshine and rainbows meant to make everyone feel better about themselves, and it isn’t ever going to be. Furthermore, the blog is going to continue to be much of the same until I feel safe and comfortable, which I don’t amongst my own blood relations, let alone the rest of the world.  If you want me to stop bitching about my family, then fucking do something about it.  Accept me.  Understand me.  Try to learn.  Stop being self-righteous pricks.  Treat me like the person I am, not the person you want me to be.  A majority of the rest of the world has.  And if you can’t, then grow some skin or get out.

Woo Patreon

So I started up a Patreon page.  It’s located here.  I’m hoping to get a little support so that I can work on making my stream better and spend more time on writing and playing games rather than adjusting equipment, cooking,  cleaning, and all kinds of other stuff I waste my time on.

Go ahead and check it out if you feel like wanting to give me some reason to get off my ass and stop being lazy about writing and streaming!

The Ups and Downs of my Writing Ability

As can be seen from the relatively short history of this blog, I fancy myself a pretty good writer from time to time.  When I get the urge to write, I can sling short stories that can bring out anything from hearty laughter to streams of tears to chills down your spine.  When I do write, the creativity flows freely, and I can really show my thoughts and emotions in the best way possible.

But there’s a big word in there that really causes problems:  When.  My ability to write tends to come and go, and more often than not, it goes.  Like right now, I can’t for the life of me find anything to write.  My mind is a blank.  No writing prompts jump out to me, no emotions to capture, no thoughts to jot down.  Nothing.  And it’s starting to affect my ability to write blog posts, too.  I can’t for the life of me even find something as simple as a how-to that I feel needs attention.

But what’s really frustrating about it isn’t that I can’t write, but that I really want to.  I want to write stories.  My mind is about to burst with the backlog of imagination and emotion.  I want to put it all down to paper, but I simply can’t.  And it sucks to no end.

Writer’s block is a hell of a disorder.  I wish I knew what cured it.